Great Barrington, MA 1525.1 (zero miles, 499.7 total miles)
I had a rough night and trouble sleeping, kept awake by my thoughts, tossing and turning. I’d been in pain the last couple days, in my left heel and the insides of my ankles, and I was feeling discouraged.
I wanted to keep hiking with the group, but I was concerned I wouldn’t be able to keep up. I started wondering if I should take a couple days off at home, but didn’t know if I’d ever catch up after that.
I don’t find a lot of groups that I truly feel like I belong in, and the Cult had become a place I really felt comfortable and accepted for myself. So the idea I could lose that, when I’d finally opened myself up to having that experience, was scary to me.
In the morning, I slept an hour later than everyone else, who’d already had breakfast. I felt further discouraged by that, and the 17.7 miles we were going to be hiking for the day. I couldn’t find my crocs anywhere, so I walked a few doors down to Jedi, Neon, and Halfway’s room to see if I left them there the evening before.
The crocs were there, and I ended up telling them I was having a bad morning, and how I was feeling. We talked about me dropping back and catching up while they did the 4th of July thing, but I was sad that I might not get to be there for it, too.
I went down to breakfast, and filled up my plate with scrambled eggs, bacon, a bagel with butter, two cinnamon buns, plus a coffee and orange juice. While I was sitting and eating, feeling sorry for myself and the fact that I’d had to flip flop, Platinum and Wizard showed up and sat down with me.
They were the two perfect people to sit with right then, a former flip flopper, and a current thru hiker who was getting back on trail after an injury. Wizard helped show me the good sides of flip flopping again, and reiterated some advice to me.
The three of us had a really good conversation, and it seemed the plan had changed while I was eating. The group was contemplating a zero now, which sounded amazing to me and exactly what I needed.
After we ate, everyone hung out in one of the rooms and talked about the new plan. We would take a zero, then hike five big days, with a 3 mile nearo on the 6th day, and a zero on the 7th. I loved that plan, because if I needed to I could cut back the days and use the nearo to make up miles and still have a zero to rest.
I had dropped some weight from my pack the night before, about four or five pounds, between extra food I didn’t need, my book (which I sadly never had time to read), and a few extra things here and there that I was able to shed.
My heel was feeling a lot better after sleeping nine and a half hours, and my ankles were a little better, too. The day off was definitely necessary, as well as carrying less weight and making a note to stretch more.
I had a really excellent talk with Piñata late morning, about anxiety disorders and OCD, which I have. It was good to talk things out today with everyone, and I felt so fortunate to be around a group of people that clearly really all care about each other, me included.
I don’t know how much of the zero today was because of me, I know Halfway was going to take a day off as well either way, but I honestly do feel heard and considered, and that is huge. It’s hard being the new member after everyone else has been together for over a thousand miles, but the Cult is truly like a family and I feel very much part of it now.
At Wizard’s suggestion, I messaged Pineapples, another flip flopper, to see about trying to coordinate a trail family for the southbound portion. Wizard said he was alone most of the southern half, and it was extremely demoralizing for him.
My hike had gotten a lot better and more fun when I started hiking with the Cult after DWG. I thought I’d do my own thing the whole trail, because I was honestly scared of being hurt by other people from all the trauma I’ve had in the past.
However, I really feel like things have changed for me, and I’m beginning to really appreciate friendship and companionship in ways I didn’t always before. I was a workaholic for many years, and made my birds my number one priority.
I got a lot of my social stimulation from the people I worked with for most of my life. I’ve been lucky to have a handful of best friends I am very close with, but a lot of us have moved around over the years, and after Frankie died I really isolated myself for a long time.
So this experience with the Cult has been really different for me. I had a trail family last time, but after Greylock my ex and I fell behind and finished the rest of the trail (I stopped at the end of NH) just the two of us. So the idea of being left behind again scares me, which I just need to work through. Here is the trail again, showing me the lessons I need to learn and the ways I need to heal.
Wizard said that once we get further north, I will get stronger, while the NOBOs’ bodies will be breaking down a bit from how long and far they have hiked. He said that is what happened to him on his hike. Meeting him has been absolutely invaluable to me, getting to learn from his experience and what he would have done differently.
Flip flopping is definitely a unique experience on top of the already very unique experience which is thru hiking a long trail. It just blows my mind continuously how the lessons I have struggled to learn outside the trail become so concentrated, magnified and perfectly mirrored out here.
According to a nearly 80 year long, Harvard study, “Close relationships, more than money or fame, are what keep people happy throughout their lives. Those ties protect people from life’s discontents, help to delay mental and physical decline, and are better predictors of long and happy lives than social class, IQ, or even genes.”
It stands to reason, based on that information, that having a tight knit trail family might boost the odds of success for thru hikers. Trail families are definitely different for flip floppers. They either have to form their own, or join NOBOs that have been together for possibly 1,000+ miles and hope they can fit it. Then worry about the loss they will feel on the southern half when their trail family is done hiking after Katahdin, and hope they can find a new one from a much less dense group of people traveling south.
As always, I just have to continue to take this day by day, and try to listen to both my body and my mind in making the right decisions. There are a still a couple members of the Cult who are hiking a little behind, and it’s not like they are going to kick me out or something if I don’t hike with them every day. There is no expectation of that.
Rather I just enjoy their company immensely and find a lot of joy in being around them. I want to complete this hike more than anything, so I will do my best to make sure I am still hiking my own hike, even among the group.
The good news is, I had a much slower hike last time, and already got to experience most of the trail towns and little stops from southern Virginia to Maine, including in 2016 when my ex and I traveled around the trail by car all season. So I’m happy to hike big days and skip some things here and there, because I’ve already been there and done that. The hiking is the goal this time, and taking this zero will help me on my way.
We spent the day swimming in the hotel pool, watching Naked & Afraid on TV, getting ice cream courtesy of Piñata’s aunt who sent her a gift card, and just relaxing and enjoying our time together.
Later in the afternoon, I wanted to see about getting replacement sunglasses, as my pink ones had broken a few days ago. Tater and I went to Marshalls and the Dollar store, where I wasn’t impressed with anything I found. He suggested we go to the outfitter across town, which I didn’t even know was there.
At Barrington Outfitters, I saw they had both Goodr brand and Izipizi glasses, and a nice young girl helped me pick the ones that looked best on me. I then found myself drawn to the shoe wall, driven by my foot pain that had come back in the last several days, and my heel pain that had started recently as well.
I had done a lot of research on plantar fasciitis the night before, which had me all freaked out. I knew it was something I needed to handle sooner rather than later, and my inner ankles had been flaring up again, too.
I asked the sales associate if she knew what thru hiking was, since I couldn’t assume after my experience at the Cabela’s in Hamburg. She did not, but as I explained what it entailed to her, she started making suggestions for shoes.
I’d long suspected on this time around hiking that boots might be a good option for me. I’d always scoffed at them, since thru hikers almost never wear boots because they are heavier, but I’d felt like I didn’t have enough support in my shoes since I started.
I tried on several pairs of shoes, not planning on buying anything due to the risks involved with return policies and spending more money on yet more shoes. However, I put on one pair of boots, Merrell Siren Travellers, that had my heel surprisingly feeling improved.
The sales manager, Ashley, came over to check in on us and told me how she has those boots and they have worked great for her, they are breathable and will break in well. I asked her about my heal pain and possible plantar fasciitis, which Ashley said she also had before.
She recommended some insoles that were hanging up, that she also had experience with, and said using them made her plantar fasciitis pain go away in two days in those same boots. We were even the same shoe size.
Ashley was absolutely amazing, and stayed half an hour past closing with Tater and I, making sure I had picked the right shoes. What really sealed the deal was the offer she made if they don’t work out.
Normally, their return policy is 30 days, and the shoes can’t be worn outside, which for obvious reasons just isn’t possible for me. She gave me her business card, and said Merrell has awesome customer service. She told me if they don’t work out I can mail them back to her, and she will refund me, insoles and all.
It was extremely kind of her, and she even discounted the insoles 25% off for me. I walked out of the store with my fifth pair of shoes and third pair of insoles in my first 500 miles on the Appalachian Trail this time around. But for the first time in two or three days, I wasn’t limping with heel pain while I wore the boots, so I began to develop some cautious optimism about them.
From there, we got McDonald’s for dinner, watched a Spider-Man movie on TV, and finished packing up for tomorrow. I felt excited to try my new boots, and for the fact that I had shaken down my pack and shed some weight the night before.
I am feeling much better mentally and physically after a day of fun and rest, and more optimistic about the miles ahead. I’m glad I spoke up today about how I was feeling, and had people around me who cared and were there to listen and try to help. One day at a time.