AT Flip Flop Day 169: Deep Thoughts

Chestoa 1849.9 to Spivey Gap 1861.2 (11.3 miles, 1861.2 total miles)

I slept a solid 12 hours last night, from 10PM to 10AM, attempting to make up for the sleep I’d lost while on prednisone. The house was quiet when I awoke, but when Miss Janet and Dexter came out of her room, I was surprised to see everyone was in the house.

I’d announced the evening before I was going to take a zero, so figured Heat Lightning and Homework were hiking already. Turned out we’d all had a lazy morning, and I was perfectly happy everyone had rested.

Homework said after a bit he was interested in slacking the 11 miles Miss J had mentioned as an option the day before. It was a hike northbound back to Erwin, and made that section a little easier, going mostly downhill instead of up.

He piqued my interest, as we could split a 25 mile day into an 11 and 14 that way. I figured I could manage to hike my still tired self 11 miles today, though I knew I was in need of a rest day soon.

It had been a week since I got back on trail after being sick, and I wasn’t a person with unlimited energy levels. Over the course of this hike I had learned that’s just something I need to work around instead of constantly pushing myself too hard as I’d been doing on and off most of my life.

Heat Lightning was in for hiking too, so we got ready to go after breakfast, making peanut butter and jelly sandwiches to pack out for lunch at Miss J’s insistence. We loaded a couple old microwaves in Miss Janet’s car before leaving that needed to be dropped off on the way to the trail.

At the transfer station, Homework found a razor scooter and zoomed around for a few minutes while Miss Janet took a video, laughing. At the trailhead, we were ready to hike out of Spivey Gap at 1PM, my northbound journey resuming momentarily.

We started a climb of half a mile, me behind the others, though I caught up after not long when Homework stopped to chat with Dunk who was hiking south like normal.

Dunk told me he had his new insoles in that I’d recommended to him that had worked for my plantar fasciitis, and we spent several minutes talking about the Smokies, remaining miles, and other thru hiking topics.

After departing from him, I went ahead of the others, till it was just me and my thoughts as I began the first descent of the day, an easy mile and a half around the undulating ridges of the Tennessee mountains.

It had rained during the morning, so the wet leaves didn’t crunch as they normally did. I had to take care to not slip on them, however. It was an overcast, slightly chilly type of day, perfect for being alone with my thoughts in the dead silent forest.

I thought a lot about my early 20s while I hiked, and how things hadn’t quite gone the way for me that people had seemed to expect, and how I’d had certain obstacles that had affected me, some of which I’d only just learned about in the past year.

It was hard not to feel down on myself at times because I didn’t have things I was “supposed” to. I’d had to fight hard to overcome mental health issues, an eating disorder, and many other circumstances that prevented me from realizing what people had told me I needed to have as a young adult.

The trail had saved me, though. Not once, but twice. It had been the only thing that made perfect sense to me in the darkest and most turbulent times in my life. It absolutely terrified me that my hike was almost over, and I would have to leave this bubble of protection I’d established around me.

That didn’t meant that I couldn’t decide to do things differently after trail this time. It had been a messy transition in 2015 and 2016 when I’d had to leave the AT, but this time I knew what to expect, for the most part, and could take this opportunity to plan and process ahead of time during these last few hundred miles.

My life was never going to look like what other people had told me it was supposed to when I was growing up. I would always have significant events in my past that informed my present and future.

At the same time, those things didn’t need to define me. The trail had shown me time and again that fresh starts are possible, that changing settings, travel, and new ways of living can open doors into higher levels of understanding and direction in life.

I had grown tired of pretending the same things motivate me that motivate others. I’d proven to myself I could have financial success without a degree, but that didn’t make me happy. I knew what made me happy, and I was the only one who could decide to continue to chase my unique goals, and put my own happiness first.

After several miles of deep thought, a short climb brought me to No Business Knob Shelter, 6.4 miles in at 2:45. I was the first to arrive, and sat in the shelter with the logbook, taking out the PB&J I’d been looking forward to for lunch.

I heard the sound of someone approaching going south, so knew it wasn’t Heat Lightning or Homework. I was pleasantly surprised when Hunter rounded the corner, the PCT hiker on an AT blue blaze I’d hiked around a couple days when I had been sick out of Damascus.

He sat for lunch as well, and we spent several minutes catching up and discussing writing until Homework and Heat Lightning arrived as well. It was a nice break, and I took my time getting packed up again to hike out, plugging in my earbuds for some entertainment on the second half of the day.

I shuffled off through a multicolored leaf carpet of trail on a pleasant ridge walk for a couple miles, listening to a podcast while I dropped down then back up before a final descent to town.

Listening to Jim Dale narrate Harry Potter, I descended 1,600 feet over 2.7 miles. I was feeling tired again, trying to step carefully down the steep grade without slipping on leaves or pine needles, unable to see all the obstacles that might be underfoot.

There were gorgeous views off the ridge looking back toward where we’d hiked the day before. Below 3,000 feet there was still plenty of foliage to be marveled at, and I stopped several times at views between the trees looking down at the Nolichucky River and mountains across the way.

The day was still extremely overcast, and I put my rain jacket on for the last mile, hiking slow enough that the cold breeze made me want to bundle up.

I crossed Unaka Springs Road, traveled on a bridge over the river, then got back to Chestoa where Miss J had picked us up the day before. There was a young man there with a strong southern accent and his two dogs, and I took a couple pictures with his camera of him with the dogs when he asked.

Around 5:30, Miss Janet and Dexter parked and I hopped in the car for a bit while we waited for the other two. Back to town, we made the rounds again, stopping at Food City and Pal’s once more, where this time I did get myself a burger.

The burger was quite good, and back at the house I had a nice shower and relaxed with the others for the evening. We watched Hubie Halloween and part of Crazy Stupid Love before I turned in around 11:00. I thought maybe tomorrow would be my zero day, but figured I could decide how I felt in the morning.