AT Flip Flop Day 121: Relapse

Rockfish Gap 1330 (0 miles, 1330 total miles)

It was one of those days that I woke up and knew I wasn’t in a place to hike, mentally or physically.

I’ve watched my energy ebb and flow on the trail over the past four months, and was recognizing that I was in a low energy period, and had to decide what to do with that.

In the past, I might have continued to push myself too far, but I’d learned it wasn’t worth doing that. Sweets and Sharkey had offered to host us for a few days, and what better place was there to take a rest than with friends in their lovely home.

Decision made, we joined Sweets and Sharkey downstairs, where we were treated to omelets with tomatoes and cheese, and hot coffee.

Sweets headed to work at the outfitter, while Iroh and I hung out for a bit and Sharkey watched some TV. Iroh went back downstairs to do some weeding with Sharkey, wanting to show his gratitude for the kindness we’d received.

After meditating and getting a bit of writing done, I went down to join them. Iroh and I weeded around the house for a while, until I was feeling hungry and tired again.

I had some more potato chips Sweets had gotten for me, and Sharkey ran out to get us lunch, after saying he didn’t want my money and it was his treat.

I worked on removing sunflower seeds from a plant that we’d pulled up while Iroh kept weeding in the light rain that was falling.

I’d been hoping the rain was done for now, but today and the next two days were still calling for it. As someone with seasonal depression and anxiety, I’ve found the almost constant presence of rain since Andover, ME has been affecting me in various ways.

Sharkey had brought us back some very juicy and tasty fried chicken and mac n cheese, which we ate while watching a comedy special on the living room tv.

We sat at the table for a while after that, Maybe on my lap, while we talked trail names, hiking sticks, and social media. Iroh recorded Sharkey explaining his trail name and showing off the collection of various hiking sticks he’d used on different trails.

We watched a few Lonely Island music videos, then Iroh went back outside in the rain to continue weeding. Sharkey told him it was more than he needed to do, but Iroh seemed to get a fulfillment out of the task.

I watched some more TV with Sharkey, then napped for a bit, rather frustrated with how completely exhausted I’d been feeling since the 25 mile day on four hours of sleep.

I felt like I should have recovered from that by now, and I still had yet to pack my bag, things strewn about the spare room we were sleeping in. The weather forecast for the next couple days hung in my head, weighing me down.

I’d realized Iroh and I hadn’t seen another southbounder since Bard hiked ahead in Front Royal, about a week ago.

The isolation was getting to me, and not seeing other thru hikers throughout the day was so much different than I’d been used to.

Fortunately, Sweets had met a SOBO, Back to Back, at the outfitter during the afternoon. Iroh knew her, and Sweets was bringing her to the house after work for a respite from the rain.

I knew the trail was full of emotional ups and downs, as well as physical ones. I’d felt I was adjusting to SOBO life extremely well, but it seemed I was having a relapse of missing NOBO life, specifically the people I’d been close to.

All I could do was have compassion, and try to give myself what I needed. Forcing myself to do anything wasn’t going to keep me on track to complete my hike.

After napping, I packed my bag, having a tough time getting my brain straight. Back to Back arrived with Sweets, who’d picked up a couple pizzas for everyone, though I spent a little more time upstairs packing up and listening to two songs on my phone as music therapy.

Joining everyone downstairs, I had some Hawaiian pizza, still feeling rather depressed for some reason. However, I soon began speaking with B2B, who was very funny and friendly, and seemed to understand some of what I was going through.

After dinner, we watched Zombieland, and saw the spider in the patio window catch bugs in her web. The idea was floated for Iroh and I to take a zero with B2B, so we could all hike together.

I originally wasn’t going to take another zero, but I also knew my mental state and energy levels were such that if I hiked 20 miles in the rain tomorrow I was going to have a tough time.

It was supposed to rain the day after tomorrow as well, but supposedly the sun was going to come out in the following days after that. I was certainly happy to have another hiker to travel with, as well.

The other day while Iroh ran the 20 miles and I hiked, I couldn’t help thinking about how I used to see hikers throughout the day every day with the NOBOs, and I really missed that. The more the merrier, and B2B seemed like someone really cool to hike around.

We were all incredibly lucky that Sweets and Sharkey had been so welcoming and generous with us, and it had been such a treat to spend time with Sweets again. All I had to do was weather the down, and soon things would be looking up again.